Just a little deadline beater

Before it gets to one month. This month has been kind of fruitful, with some progress in networking and hopefully finding writing gigs. Money wise, it has been fruitless. Crazy bad. I would love to elaborate, but it’s really just a lack of freelance jobs, or cashflow issues with the company.

Bit of a wall I have to climb over. But one step at a time I suppose. :/

Is Posting Monthly a sign

That I’m not writing as much as I should? What is writing anyway, other than an amalgamation and a summary of things that we have experienced, and need an avenue to express? In that sense, real writing is done outside, experiencing things, and having feelings about things so that we can come back to the “typing machine” that turns that into words, and turn that into words, right?

Even so, I haven’t done that much writing. My brain feels like it has been on autopilot for about a week now, because I just cannot find the energy to start anything. I’m sure if I get started already, the momentum would take me forward. But the inertia is great. Going to watch a standup show today, and hopefully get ideas (as if).

I hope it’s not another month before I get writing. Both on the machine and outside.

It Turns Out That… It’s Never Too Late

After a decent amount of time spent on job boards looking for writing jobs to sustain my life, because my day job isn’t paying me, something dawned on me. It turns out that the biggest hurdle to getting a writing job is that the jobs already want you to be published. A bit of a Catch-22 that.

I like the phrase “it turns out that”, because it doesn’t place the responsibility on someone. In the aforementioned example, this is the most apt phrase to use. I can’t blame publications looking for freelancers who want some background, safety net, or at least something to judge someone (off the interwebs might I add) they’re about to give money to. At the same time, someone who is starting out is not going to be published anywhere, unless they find someone who is willing to take a chance on them. OR they have already done their time in a full time writing position somewhere. It seems I may have stumbled upon a solution in this rambling.

Time to go find an entry level writing job at 35. “It’s never too late to… blah blah blah”, except a lot of the time, it feels patronising. The crux of this, is what someone is willing to give up in pursuit of the unknown, isn’t it? Sometimes it does feel like it’s too late.

Update on Life: A Meandering Stream of Consciousness

It has been a few months since I started writing here with the intention to keep it light, and mostly about interesting observations and musings. In fact, after Vietnam, I spent a total of 6 weeks in Taipei. The original plan was to visit our favourite uncle whom we have not met in 3 years (Thanks Covid), hang out, travel in Taiwan, and celebrate his retirement. To make a long story short, he got really ill but one week into retirement, and eventually passed within a month of getting ill. So instead of mountains and lakes and loads of shit talking, it was ICU day after day, and eventually a wake and funeral. His business class tickets to Singapore to celebrate his 60th birthday with us was a stark reminder that life doesn’t always go as planned.

And so it proved prophetic. Dad had a kidney transplant (mom donated), so I was pushed back to help out with the family business, which in all honesty, did not interest me at all. The boundaries I had drawn up while negotiating the return was duly stepped on and spat on (figuratively), and I found myself back in the mire I had escaped from some 3 years ago, with much difficulty. Family duties and all. Put simply, my dad used my name to take business loans, to do his business. It didn’t work as planned (pandemic and whatnot), so basically I am back to try and fight fires he started (and my own future and credit score). With all that being said, I don’t think my dad is a bad person, but he is a slave to his ego. He has surrounded himself with yes men, and any dissent towards his ideas (a construction company specialising in building castles in the air) is met with not at all constructive(destructive?) criticism. The desperate need to prove the unknown other wrong, that he can be a success, has pretty much led him (and me) down this dark path, where the only way is through. Sounds pretty much like gambling if you ask me.

On the topic of “the only way is through”, I saw a funny picture with the caption

“The only way is through. But the only way through is to work on myself. So I guess there is no way.”

THIS TOTALLY RESONATED WITH ME! As a dedicated believer of doing the bare minimum (unless I feel otherwise), this situation I find myself plonked into feels like life is telling me “pass my test, and I will grant you a boon”. The said boon, however, feels very much like a chance to start from 0, and starting from 0 at ages 35-37 seems abit much. I am at the age where all my friends have their own families, and I have the one I’m born in. The idea of having freedom is locked up in a cage, chained up, tied down with cement, and tossed overboard to the bottom of the ocean.

Unsurprisingly then, I just got diagnosed with anxiety and high blood pressure. Partly age, partly my sedentary lifestyle, partly my diet of food that tastes good, but is actually really bad for you, and I bet mostly because my work environment (from which I long to be free from) is ass. Which I already knew, having worked there for 7 years previously. But I am honestly at a loss, because my name is attached to all the loans, and letting my dad-boss-who-only-listens-to-cunts-who-tell-him-he’s-right do whatever the fuck he wants is honestly not going to help the situation.

It has thrown off my personal plans of trying copywriting as a job, although I still go online and take courses to try and keep my brain working. Doing a readthrough of this post has led me to the conclusion that my writing has gotten (or was already) fucking mediocre, and would require much practice, sharpening and reading. This conclusion as serves as somewhat of a conclusion for this stream of consciousness-y, ranty post, that nobody will read, because I told all of 1 person that I made this website when I made it, and proceeded to not update it.

Eh, that’s it for now I guess? Hopefully the next update is more positive and also not months away.

Cheers.

I Didn’t Even Notice This Post Was Here Until Now. 3/7/2023

Well Hello. The below is Squarespace’s default first post. It’s not written in the tone that I prefer, but it’s not bad. So I’m just going to leave it there.

It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.